comfort zone

Collin loses his eyesight and becomes simply inefficient for the operation. The Captain wants to leave him behind as he thinks that he would endanger the whole team. Hendley jumps into his defense. Collin has every right to escape and he wants to see his family as much as the other guys. No one will be left behind, not as long as Hendley has Collin's back. The Captain agrees and leaves the room. Collin remains in tears and his goggled blue eyes tremble with content. He can't believe Hendley would do such a great thing for him. He proved to be a good comrade and that makes Collin cry. Hendley tries to cheer up Collin and asks for some tea. He knows Collin likes tea so much, it's his habit for when he is feeling anguish. The request makes Collin smile and makes him forget even for a while about his shortcoming. Nobody wants to get out of his comfort zone.

cautarea submisivului sau iluzia realitatii

Inconstient cautam submisivul. In orice. Sa primim confirmari, sa ne inconjuram de oameni care ne accepta neconditionat, sa stam intr-o balta calduta in care sa nu ne punem intrebari. Acceptam sa fim niste catei ai lui Pavlov, fara simt critic. Familiaritatea ne da un sentiment de bine, atat de bine incat ne afundam in el fara sa ne punem intrebari. Pana la proba contrarie. Si trezirea e de cele mai multe ori violenta, cu ruperi de ego. 

Ignoranta e fericire pana devine certitudine. Maturitatea incepe atunci cand realizam ca nu mai suntem in balta calduta in care ne faceam siesta pana nu demult. Ca locul nostru nu mai e acolo si ca din motive numai de noi stiute, vrem sa ne scuturam de noroi si sa iesim la lumina, sa taiem cordonul ombilical si sa incepem sa respiram pe cont propriu. Lectiile sunt date cu un scop. Fie e karma, fie e doar un training mai intens, cu scopul de a te cunoste pe tine insuti si de a te perfectiona. Asa ca accepta lectia si nu te intreba de ce  tocmai tu o primesti.

unsaved

Lasam numere de telefon nesalvate, scriem lucruri pe care le stergem de n ori pana le trimitem, strangem maini pe jumatate, intoarcem obrazul sa nu ne pupe pe gura. Cateodata nu suntem nebuni pana la capat. Incepem lucruri pe care nu le terminam pentru ca ceva undeva iti spune ca nu e bine. Intuitia isi face treaba tacit. Simte, dar spera ca e doar ratiunea care, din motive lesne de inteles, incearca sa sufoce emotia. Doar o protejeaza de fapt. Asa ca imbratisati-va intuitia si nu o mai blamati ca pe o sora mai mica inchisa in casa.

short storytelling

When he first came to me, that pair of big brown sultry eyes overwhelmed me. He said: Damn girl! You sure look like a boy, but your skin is so fine. Where do you live? I knew right away he was cocky and pushy, but I played along. I live in the suburbs, I said. Huh? In London? No, in the suburbs of my own skin. Do you need a ride?I asked him. Bedazzled by my boldness, he lingered before he answered. Oh..girl! Are you inviting me to your place?Uhm, I replied, what a simple mind you have there...No, I am inviting you to take a closer look at that skin you cagily admire. Touching may be involved.
He said to himself this must be the best hook up ever, and he wasn't even trying that much. He followed me to my place with more than a hundred wicked thoughts on his mind. As guys usually call it a lucky night. I used to live in a basement back then, in London actually. No one else but me had seen the room. It was dark, so this time it didn't count. But never mind, I am not much of a housekeeper. And I am sure he wasn't expecting that from me that night either. His need to closeness was imminent, he would only touch my neck to feel my skin and wouldn't go below. I liked that about him. He was really into my skin. I have something he needs in a way he couldn't explain. How come he didn't notice me before? And why is this happening so fast? These questions wandered around in his head while he was trying to make head or tail of this awkward situation.

The night passed while our skins were engaged in a playful chase. Eventually our squeezed skins silently thanked us. Maybe I wasn't wrong about him after all.

cele doua minute de ura

As vrea sa simt furie. Furia e o traire atat de inaltatoare si de pura. E terapeutica si sincera precum criza de ras  a unui copil cuprins de entuziasm cand trage de coada o pisica si o smotoceste. Furia scoate razboinicul din  noi doar pentru a face pace cu el. E mult mai periculos sa il ignori.

Furia iti consuma repede si intens cele mai tulburatoare si anxioase stari. E o supapa la indemana oricui, mai putin a mea. Eu aleg ciuda, un soi de sora mai sluta si schioapa a furiei. O furie mocnita, incarcata, in care timpul se dilata. Ciuda se consuma si te consuma incet. Furia in schimb e o traire masculina, o traire pe verticala a acceptarii si a adaptarii. Imi accept infrangerea, o consum si merg mai departe. Nu ma mai pot uita in spate, pentru ca trecutul e consumat. Pe de alta parte, ciuda se hraneste din trecut, e ca o oala sub presiune care nu si-a atins inca punctul de fierbere. Ciuda nu cauta motivatii in afara si e autodistructiva.

Poate ca "cele 2 minute de ura" ale lui Orwell nu ar strica din cand in cand.